Have you ever found yourself completely engrossed, absorbed, or even daydreaming about your next big purchase? I’m talking about the things that feel life-changing, things that really would move the needle for you. A house purchase, a new vehicle, or maybe even a boat would mean the world to you. You think, “when I get this thing, I will be happy.” But, while these things may give you some short-term gratification, we know they are not long-term solutions for a happy life for you or your kids.
When you really think about what matters, what brings you joy, you’re probably more likely to conjure up images of family and friends, time spent enjoying hobbies, or experiencing new places. In our society, we are inundated with messages that tell us that more stuff equals happiness. There are literally whole industries out there devoted to convincing us to think this way.
When I became a parent, I started to realize just how much these messages can influence not just how we think about our own lives, but how we consider our children’s happiness. “If they get these things, they will be happy.” I started to wonder about the message I was sending my kids and the example I was setting for them about what it means to live and pursue a happy life.
As the holidays approach, this is a perfect opportunity to be intentional about your time and your dollars. Do your kids want a pile of toys for the holidays? Does Christmas mean a season of privilege and excess? Are there ways to save some of that money and in exchange give your kids something they will truly value and will bring them real joy?
We know that kids who have more toys tend to be less happy. In fact, a study done at the University of Toledo with 36 toddlers showed that a room full of toys can cause anxiety for children because they feel like they need to play with everything. They concluded, “fewer toys led to higher quality play,” meaning the toddler “stuck with the toy for longer and played with it in more creative ways”.
So we know too many toys can lead to frustration and anger. Even so, kids are going to ask for toys. And as parents, we are left wondering, how bad can it really be for them? And let’s be honest, as parents we love giving gifts to our children, it makes us happy. But shouldn’t that be the message? Giving gifts equals happiness.
Science does a good job of explaining why your new car or your kid’s newest gift offers mediocre results. There is a theory in psychology called the Hedonic theory and it goes like this. “The hedonic treadmill (also known as hedonic adaptation) is a theory that people repeatedly return to their baseline level of happiness, regardless of what happens to them.” It concludes that “our circumstances don’t account for most of our happiness.” I believe we can extrapolate this to our kids’ happiness as well.
Now we have this information, maybe it is time to reevaluate how we do things this year. My wife and I have been spending a lot of time discussing experiential gifting and trying to reframe how we think about the holidays for our boys. We have made some strides in this area but we certainly have a lot of work to do.
It is easy to say “we are going to have more experiences with our kids”, but in practice, we’ve found that this is easier said than done. There are so many things that derail our perfectly laid-out plans, like work, weather, or other unforeseen obligations.
So this year we have decided to have a more specific plan for achieving this by putting together some activities we can lean on when life inevitably derails our plans.
With a little extra time off during the holidays, it’s the perfect opportunity to connect with our children and swap out gifts for experiences. So here is a list of experiences for three different occasions, at home, outdoors, and in the community.
Experiences at home:
I’m starting experiences in the home because this is where we spend the most time and also where some of our biggest pitfalls are. Being in the same house with kids isn’t the same as interacting with them. It is far too easy to put them in front of the TV or leave them with toys while going about our day. As tempting as this can be sometimes, I want to do better. Here are some ideas for activities to do with kids at home. If a gift is a must, or you really want them to be able to open something, make the thing the basis of the activity. For example, give your child all the ingredients to make a volcano, then build it with them. Watch it explode and watch them get excited about their time with you.
- Read books
- Build puzzles
- Making hand-crafted gifts
- Play board games
- Build a birdhouse
- Make a volcano
- Draw pictures
- Build a blanket castle
- Dance
- Sing Songs
- Simple house projects
- Kid Yoga
- Make paper airplanes
- Education-ABCs, Counting, Reading, etc.
Experiences outdoors: Playing outside is a great way for kids to learn about the world around them. It seems like a no-brainer, but depending on your situation it may not be safe to send your kids outside unattended. It may be that you live next to a busy street, in an unsavory neighborhood, or with wildlife like rattlesnakes in the yard. So let’s get out there and show them the ropes.
As I said before gifts should be the basis of the experience, not the beginning and end. For example, number one on my list below is hunting for bugs. Why do you ask? My oldest son just turned 5 and he started getting really into searching for and capturing bugs in the backyard. He was using all the Tupperware in the house as bug containers, so when his birthday rolled around, we bought him a bug-catching kit on Amazon. When I tell you that that small purchase has led to hours and hours of fun, I am not exaggerating at all! For the past weeks, we have been on daily bug hunts around the neighborhood and have made plans to check out a local area where butterflies migrate and gather this time of year. We’ve learned all about different kinds of bugs, which ones are poisonous, different bug habitats, and just what those bugs eat for dinner. This is what it is all about. It’s really not about the gift but the hours of excitement, quality time, and education that it enables. He would have for sure gotten pumped on a three-foot-tall monster truck or some other $100 toy of the day, but it wouldn’t have lasted and it wouldn’t have led to the kinds of conversations and questions that we got from that inexpensive little bug kit!
Here are some other outdoor activities to try.
- Hunt for bugs
- Fly a kite
- Ride bikes
- Play catch
- Shoot hoops
- Bird watching
- Identify types of rocks
- Take long walks/hikes
Experiences in the community:
Tons of extracurricular activities exist in our communities including some great things to do with the kids. In addition, there are seemingly endless ways to interact with and help people in the community. With so many people living on the fringes of our society that need love and compassion, it presents a great learning opportunity for our littles, especially during the holiday season. And what better lesson could we possibly teach them? So let’s dive into how we can have a great experience with our kids in the community.
- Aquariums
- Rock climbing gyms
- Museums
- Trip to the zoo
- Donating time at homeless shelters
- Visit a nursing home
- Play parks
- Spend time with children that don’t have parents
- 5K races for a cause
- Take food to a local food bank
- Plant trees
- Clean up trash at beaches and parks
The Bottom Line
Don’t waste money on your children’s toys, instead invest it in their life experiences. If you must buy toys, buy things that will enable great experiences. There are so many ways we can set a good example. Let’s help our children understand that long-lasting happiness will never be something we can unwrap in a box.
That being said, I’m a realist and I know children are going to get toys. If you end up with a pile of toys at your house this holiday season there is something you can do about it. Swap em’ out. Don’t let the burden of choosing between a mountain of new toys fall on your child.
I hope you found some useful tips here. I’d love to hear from you about ways that you experience life with your little ones.
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