My youngest son Kylan is turning three years old this spring and his birthday has been a big topic of conversation in my house. Regular readers of this blog know that we believe in experiential gifting in our house but the experience of having a birthday party for our kids each year remains a high priority.
The cynical part of me wonders why we have birthday parties for our kids at all. The average kid’s birthday party involves 16 guests, nine presents, and three hours of celebration. 78% percent of parents surveyed said they put a lot of pressure on themselves to make their kid’s birthday party as amazing as it can be. So why are we doing this to ourselves?
What kind of example are we really setting? We fill a house with balloons that will be in landfills and oceans after a single use. We stuff our kids full of unhealthy food that is full of sugar and serve it on styrofoam plates and in plastic cups. Then we give them a bunch of toys with a carbon footprint all the way to China. Even blowing out birthday candles can be a problem. Did you know candles cause an estimated 15,600 fires in residential structures, 150 deaths, 1,270 injuries, and $539 million in estimated direct property damage each year?
With all of this in mind, it made me wonder, is having a birthday party for our kids actually important to their development? This motivated me to dive in and find out what the research says. What I found was surprising.
A story on Brightside, highlights a research study by Dr. Woolley titled Now I’m 3: Young Children’s Concepts of Age, Aging, and Birthdays. In the study, 99 American children between the ages of 3 and 5 were examined. She found that “when a child feels celebrated, they also feel loved and meaningful in their family role. The findings showed that what’s important is the warmth of the environment and that the child feels included, safe, and respected.” The reality is that birthday parties can be very consequential in our children’s lives.
In a study posted in Psychology Today called The all-important annual birthday party we find that “to a 4-year-old, the purpose of the birthday party is to make him or her 5, so whether you simply stay and home and eat cake or arrange a safari to Africa, it makes no difference. It’s the party that counts.” The study also suggests that not having a birthday party might invoke a basic fear in a child that if the party is not held, they might not age.
What has become abundantly clear to me, after taking this deep dive into the developmental consequences of having birthday parties for your kids is that the extravagance of the event is not important. Apparently bounce houses and laser tag aren’t prerequisites to having a happy child’s birthday party. But the ritualistic ceremony of bringing family and friends together to celebrate your child’s growth is of monumental importance to their self-esteem and ability to spawn new friendships in life.
With this new knowledge at my disposal, I feel confident that having a birthday party for Kylan isn’t just a responsibility, it’s also an opportunity to celebrate his growth as a human. That doesn’t mean I want to be picking up balloons on beach cleanup day. But it does mean that we will look for some environmentally friendly ways to put on a party. Will we be celebrating with a cake, you ask? Of course, what else would we put the candles in? 🙂
One last thought on toys, I know it can be difficult, but avoiding toys from big box stores like Target and Walmart can be a good move. Giving something handmade instead tends to have a lot more personal significance and can be much more impactful. Below are a couple of the many handmade things I’ve built for the boys over the years. If you don’t have the time or desire to craft your own, look for wooden toys or toys made with environmentally friendly products, or think second-hand for things like books, especially.
If you have any birthday party suggestions I would love to hear them. Please come on this journey with me by subscribing to my newsletter.
I hope you’ve found some useful tips here. I’d love to hear from you about ways that you experience life with your little ones. Thanks for reading. If you made it this far please follow me on Youtube, Facebook, or Instagram.
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